About a year and a half ago, I was given a diagnosis that means it would be highly unlikely that I could get pregnant again. We have one little man who is now 4 years old. We both grew up with one sister each and had thought we would have another child so that our son would have a sibling. While having a sister as a child had its' ups and downs, she is now my best friend. I had hoped we could provide something like that for our son.
We started trying for a second child when our son was about 18 months old. While conceiving him was easy, as time passed, it became apparent that would not be the case a second time. I started having abdominal pain and after having some tests, found that I would most likely not be having any additional children. I didn't dwell on it. I thought I had moved on.
Until I attended a Beth Moore webcast with a friend who is also the children's director at our church. During a break in the webcast, my friend asked if I wanted to talk or pray about anything. She knew what I had been going through. She knew where my heart was. She said it was okay to be disappointed, it was okay to grieve.
Later that evening, as I discussed it with my husband, the tears and the sobs came. The frustration of having that decision taken away from me, the disappointment of not being able to have a second child. It was difficult. But it was cleansing.
Since that evening, I have moved on. That doesn't mean that I don't sometimes envy those around me with two children. It doesn't mean that I don't ask God about His plan. But it does mean that I am trusting in Him "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding".
It means that I am confident that His plan is better than anything I could come up with on my own.
In His Grace...
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