I've moved...

If you like what you've been reading, you can continue to find me at ajourneyoffaithmls.blogspot.com.

Hope you'll visit me there!

God works for our good

"And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

This was the first Scripture I ever memorized. 

It is such a comforting Scripture.

In conversation today with a friend who has every right to be asking God, why us? why me? what is your plan? this verse came up.  Our friend said that as he tells his kids every evening that God has a plan for them, God loves them, God is watching out for them, he is reminding himself of the same thing.

And as this verse came up, I was reminded too.

As we head into a short sale on our house, I was reminded that God does "work for the good of those who love Him."  I was reminded that "in ALL things" God works for my good.  Even when I can't see the good.  Even when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

God is good!

In His Grace...

Perfectionism and Pride

As I was working on yesterday's post about pride, God nudged me about something else.  Something else with which I struggle.

Perfectionism: "a personal standard, attitude, or philosophy that demands perfection and rejects anything less." Dictionary.com

This is something that I have lived with my entire life.  My parents tell me that I wouldn't try to do anything new unless I knew I could do it well.  I am still working on this issue. 

But as I read the verses about pride in Scripture, it became apparent to me that perfectionism is led by pride. 

Pride: "a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct..." Dictionary.com

Scripture tells me that only one person has ever been or will ever be perfect -

God/Jesus

"As for God, his way is perfect..." 2 Samuel 22:31

"Every good and perfect gift is from above..." James 1:17

No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I will never be perfect.  I am a human being, I am flawed and I live in a sinful world.  By trying to be perfect, I set myself up for disappointment because I am trying to prove myself and please those around me. 

There is only one I need to please and that is God.

I pray that I will keep my focus on Him and work toward pleasing Him based on what He has written in Scripture.

In His Grace...

Pride

I wrote of the struggle I am having as we realized that it is not in our best interest financially to keep our house.  As I prayed about this, I heard a still, small voice whisper to me - pride.

I am struggling with pride.  I feel ashamed that we made such a big mistake.  I am embarrassed that we might end up having to do a short sale. 

But what does God say about pride?  Plenty.

"To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech." Proverbs 8:13

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18

"A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor." Proverbs 29:23

"God will bring down their pride despite the cleverness of their hands." Isaiah 25:11

God says he "hates" pride.  It brings destruction, it causes us to fall, it brings us low.

I have been allowing pride to guide my actions, to keep me from admitting our mistake and, in the end, to prevent us from doing what is best for our family.

Forgive me Lord, for my prideful spirit.  I place it at the foot of your cross and thank you for the opportunity to have chance after chance to get it right.

In His Grace...

God's Grace

I close every blog post with "In His Grace" because I live every day in his grace. 

Grace is a subject that is not very familiar in today's society.  The idea that someone will give you something, whether or not they receive something in return is fairly foreign. 

"God loves perfectly and completely.  And his love is a love of action - giving, guiding, and guarding.  He is altogether faithful, true to his promises to his chosen people.  But consistently they spurn their loving God, breaking the covenant, following other gods, and living for themselves.  So the relationship is shattered.

But the breach is not irreparable; all hope is not lost.  God can heal and mend and reweave the fabric.  Forgiveness is available.  And that is grace."  Intro to Malachi, NIV Life Application Study Bible

God's gift to me - to us - is His Grace.  That while we live for ourselves, worship other gods (money, possessions, etc) and reject His love, he still offers us forgiveness.  He still offers us his never ending, never giving up, all encompassing love.  When we turn to him, when we open our hearts to him and receive his love - no matter what we have done, the kind of person we have been - he offers us his forgiveness. 

He paid the ultimate price for us.

I am so grateful.

In His Grace...

Lean on Him

I was having a discussion with my sister-in-law recently.  She is not yet a believer but I think she is seeking the Lord.  She had heard someone state that God won't give you more than you can handle.  This may be true, but there should be something added to it. 

God won't give you more than you can handle, with His help.  If you are trying to handle everything in  your own strength, then it may in fact be more than you can handle. 

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

The key to this verse is through him.  We can try with all our might, all our strength, to handle everything that life throws our way.  But if we are not funneling it all through Christ, we sometimes do not have the ability to overcome.

Christ has overcome, through Him we can overcome as well.

Are you feeling overwhelmed by all life is throwing at you?  Run to Him, cry out to Him.  Pour your heart out to Him - He will listen, He will respond. 

He loves you.

In His Grace...

Declaration

God is Good!

Our pastor spoke on this after the passing of one of our church members on Wednesday.  He put aside the scheduled sermon and addressed the confusion, the struggle of having someone so young, so loving and in so many ways, a picture of Christ, taken from her family and friends so soon.

The first thing he stated was "In spite of the fact that I really don't know what to say, I want to declare that God is Good."

And He is.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

"I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121:2

"He rescued me because he delighted in me." Psalm 18:19

When tragic things happen, we often hear it said, how could a loving God let something like this happen?  We don't have all the details.  We don't know everything He knows. 

In times like these we can trust Scripture, that God has a purpose and a plan for all of us.  God is with us when we are brokenhearted, that he will save us when we are crushed.  That he is our helper even while he is our creator.  That he rescues us because he loves us, he delights in us.

He delights in you and me. 

He is my Lord and Savior, my deliverer, my rescuer.

God is Good!

In His Grace...

Every Moment is Precious

My husband said it on Friday morning:

Every moment is precious.

The night before, we found out that an acquaintance we knew at church passed away Wednesday morning in her sleep.  She was 36. 

She had an almost 2 year old daughter, a 5 year old son, a 12 year old step-daughter, a loving husband, loving parents and a loving sister.   She was having no known health issues. 

But she is gone.  Gone to be with her Father in heaven. 

We don't understand God's plan, we can't see it all as He can.  We can't make sense of it.  But her husband spoke at church this morning - just five days after waking up and not being able to wake up his wife. 

He said it well - God still loves me and I still love God.  We don't understand it, but that doesn't change the fact that God is a loving God.  We can't make sense of it, but that doesn't take away from the fact that God is with us, every day, every moment.

It also puts life in perspective.  Every moment is precious.  Forgive those you need to forgive, let go of those things you need to let go of, live every day like its' your last. 

We don't know when our time will come. 

Love like there is no tomorrow.

In His Grace...

Yes to Jesus

"Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God." John 1:12-13

I have been enjoying reading my son's Jesus Storybook Bible to him every evening.  He can earn anywhere from 1-3 chapters depending on his behavior during his bedtime routine.  He almost always chooses his Bible as one of the books to read.  I love it!

We finished it tonight and at the end is a paraphrase of John 1:12-13:

"For anyone who says yes to Jesus

For anyone who believes what Jesus said

For anyone who will just reach out to take it

Then God will give them this wonderful gift:

To be born into

A Whole new Life

To be who they really are

Who God always made them to be -

Their own true selves -

God's dear Child."

Say yes to Jesus - your life will never be the same.

In His Grace....

Dealing with Disappointment

About a year and a half ago, I was given a diagnosis that means it would be highly unlikely that I could get pregnant again.  We have one little man who is now 4 years old.  We both grew up with one sister each and had thought we would have another child so that our son would have a sibling.  While having a sister as a child had its' ups and downs, she is now my best friend.  I had hoped we could provide something like that for our son.

We started trying for a second child when our son was about 18 months old.  While conceiving him was easy, as time passed, it became apparent that would not be the case a second time.  I started having abdominal pain and after having some tests, found that I would most likely not be having any additional children.  I didn't dwell on it.  I thought I had moved on.

Until I attended a Beth Moore webcast with a friend who is also the children's director at our church.  During a break in the webcast, my friend asked if I wanted to talk or pray about anything.  She knew what I had been going through.  She knew where my heart was.  She said it was okay to be disappointed, it was okay to grieve.

Later that evening, as I discussed it with my husband, the tears and the sobs came.  The frustration of having that decision taken away from me, the disappointment of not being able to have a second child.  It was difficult.  But it was cleansing.

Since that evening, I have moved on.  That doesn't mean that I don't sometimes envy those around me with two children.  It doesn't mean that I don't ask God about His plan.  But it does mean that I am trusting in Him "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding". 

It means that I am confident that His plan is better than anything I could come up with on my own.

In His Grace...

Emotion versus financials

We met with one of our pastors this morning to discuss a biblical view on our house situation.  We bought a home just after the market peaked back in 2006.  This has led us to be underwater with our mortgage.  While so many people we know have decided to do a short sale because they were underwater even though they could afford the house, ethically I struggle with this. 

As our savings dwindles (replacing a car, paying for additional education for my husband, having our dog diagnosed with Lyme disease and glaucoma) we have been discussing the idea of a short sale.  Our pastor expressed the struggle very well this morning. 

I have been struggling with the emotional attachment I have to our house - our home - versus the need to make a smart decision regarding the finances.  I love our home and the neighborhood.  I really don't want to move.  But if I am letting that keep us from making the best financial decision for us, then I am hindering the well-being of my family.  Somehow, I need to separate my emotions from the financial decision. 

The only way I can do this is through prayer and asking for God's help.  I am an emotional person.  I become attached to things, to people, to animals, to all sorts of things. 

One of the elders at our church said that I have a tender heart.  God made me this way for a reason - I have yet to discover that reason but I believe I will. 

For now, I will pray for God's help with this difficult decision.

In His Grace...

Bless the Lord

A while back, one of our pastors spoke about blessing the Lord.  We are always asking for blessings from Him, but really shouldn't we be looking for ways to bless Him?

Since that sermon, I have been looking for ways to bless the Lord.  Here are a few things I came up with:

• Share His love with a friend or neighbor
• Listen to worship music with your kids (don't be afraid to sing along)
• Let someone in a hurry go in front of you when you are in line at the grocery store
• Give the right of way to someone else while you are driving (using all safety precautions of course)
• Pay a bridge toll for the car behind you
• Forgive someone that has wronged you
• Make a meal/snack/dish for someone that needs help
• Make time for a friend going through a hard time
• Listen - truly listen - to your spouse
• Do something for your spouse you really don't feel like doing

These are just a few things I thought of that bless the Lord as we give of our time, our money - or just of ourselves.  Sometimes it is easy to do these kinds of things and sometimes it is difficult.  I am challenging myself every day to do at least one thing to bless the Lord.

I can do this....

but only In His Grace...

Sovereign

I have been reading the old testament since the end of last year.  One thing that seems to come up repeatedly is God's sovereignty. 

"I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign Lord..." Psalm 71:16

"...you acknowledge that the Most High is sovereign over the kingdoms of men and gives them to anyone he wishes." Daniel 4:25

"The spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor." Isaiah 61:1

Sovereignty is not something that comes up regularly in modern day discussions.  My Bible definition is "supreme in power or authority (usually of God)". NIV  But I know that Scripture tells us that He is still sovereign, even today, thousands of years after the Old Testament was written.

I find it comforting that God is sovereign, that He reigns supreme, now and forever.  I may not understand it all, but I will continue to look to Him, thank Him and praise Him for his power and authority.

In His Grace...

Morals

As we drove home from visiting my parents this weekend, we saw an automobile stopped on the side of the highway.  Standing just in front of the car was the driver, a young man, urinating.  Not behind a bush, not hidden behind a rise or down a hill.  Just standing alongside the freeway, full daylight, urinating. 

No privacy, no shame.

Where has the moral code gone?  The idea that some things are not acceptable to do in public? 

Perhaps it has gone the way of so many other things.  I remember when swearing wasn't allowed on the radio or television, nudity wasn't seen on TV (unless you had cable that had "those types" of stations), there was at least an attempt to show respect for others in public.  But that seems to be disappearing and it saddens me to see this. 

I am raising a little man and I shudder to think all the things he will see as he grows up in this day and age.  He will be exposed to so much regardless of my attempts to shelter him.

With God's help, we must lead him toward God, toward morals, kindness, love, compassion, patience, selflessness, gratitude - everything that our society is not.  It is our responsibility to "train [our] child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

I pray that when he is old he will not turn from it.

In His Grace...

Asking Why?

We visited my parents this weekend.  Although they are past retirement age, they still own and run a small business.  Until the last several years, I think they were still enjoying it.  But at the ages of 80 and 74, they are not feeling the energy and determination they once felt.  It is wearing on them.  I can see the evidence and it is difficult to watch.

This is compounded by the fact that they cannot seem to hire/keep good, reliable, hard-working employees.  I truly don't know if it is the employees or how my parents view them, but they have gone through quite a string of people since my husband and I left in 2006.  I found I was not able to work with/for them either.

So after my father came to the house for lunch on Saturday and announced that his primary employee had left and he wasn't sure if that employee would be returning, I found myself asking God, Why?  Why haven't they been able to sell the business?  Why can't they find good employees?  Why can't they keep good employees?  How long will they continue to work so hard?  What is your plan for them God? 

I am not alone in asking this question. 

"Why, O Lord, do you stand far off?  Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?" Psalm 10:1

"How long, O Lord?  Will you forget me forever?  How long will you hide your face from me?" Psalm 13:1

David wrestled with questions to God throughout the Psalms.  We know it wasn't because he did not believe in God, nor did he lack faith and confidence in God's plan.  However, sometimes it helps to ask the questions and seek the answers by talking over the problem with God. 

I find that by asking the questions, I can more easily hand the problem over to God.  I know that I have voiced my concerns, stress, upsets, disappointments and I know that He has heard me.  This enables me to release the issue.  While I do not understand God's plan, I do know that "in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

I will continue to place my trust in Him.

And pray.

In His Grace...

Submit

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy...husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.   After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church..."  Ephesians 5:21-29

Marriage can be difficult.  It takes work - sometimes a lot of hard work.  At times it can be wonderful, at other times it can be hard.  The things we say, the things we do.  Sometimes we take action when we shouldn't, other times we should take action when we don't.  It is a challenging but rewarding lifetime job. 

Toward the beginning of August, my husband and I joined a small group.  The very first study our group opted to do is called Fireproof Your Marriage and it is based on the movie Fireproof that was released several years ago.  One of the first verses we were to read and discuss in this group was Ephesians 5:21-33. 

At one time, this verse would have made all the hair on the back of my neck stand up.  I didn't understand why God would say that wives should submit to their husbands.  Are the men better than the wives?  Do they have a more important place in God's view?  Why should I submit to my husband when society had been training me that I was equal?

But I was taking it out of context.  When you read this entire section of scripture, God does instruct women to submit to their husbands.  But hand in hand with that, he instructs husbands to love their wives.  He uses the analogy of all that Christ did for the church, that he loved the Church so much that he "gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless" Ephesians 5:25-27.

So what does it mean to submit and to love? 

According to my NIV Life Application Study Bible, to submit means that "the man is the spiritual head of the family, and his wife should acknowledge his leadership."  It goes on to say though that "real spiritual leadership involves service.  Just as Christ served the disciples, even to the point of washing their feet, so the husband is to serve his wife." 

And the description of love is also important "He should be willing to sacrifice everything for her, He should make her well-being of primary importance and he should care for her as he cares for his own body." 

When my husband is doing these things, then why on earth would I not submit to him? 

My Bible goes on to say "A wise and Christ-honoring husband will not take advantage of his leadership role, and a wise and Christ-honoring wife will not try to undermine her husband's leadership."

God intended for the two things, submitting and loving, to go hand-in-hand.  If you take the submit out, it doesn't work.  If you take the love out, it doesn't work.  But when two people love each other enough to submit (even when you think you are right and he is wrong) and to love (even when she is being grumpy and difficult) then you have what God envisioned in the marriage relationship.  Two people being selfless - doing the opposite of what our flesh tells us to do and giving of ourselves to make it work.

I can do this...

Only In His Grace...

A Learning Experience

I am almost finished - I have Zechariah and Malachi to go.  It has been a long, sometimes difficult, but rewarding experience reading through the Old Testament from front to back. 

I mentioned before that I felt challenged to do this by an author that spoke to our church one day. I felt a nudge to do it.  And so I started, I think it was in December of last year.  There have been times when I read chapter after chapter, enjoying the story within it.  There have been other times when I struggled to read one chapter a day - 1 and 2 Kings, 1 and 2 Chronicles and Lamentations seemed particularly long to me.

It was refreshing to read Psalms in a healthy state of mind.  The last time I read Psalms in its' entirety I was battling depression. 

Proverbs has so much insight, so many useful tidbits of instruction, so much guidance from a loving God. 

It has given me perspective, history, understanding and greater comprehension of so much that I thought I was familiar with already. 

I am looking forward to the New Testament - the message of hope within the pages, the transforming love of Jesus.

In His Grace...

The Lost Word

"Men will stagger from sea to sea and wander from north to east, searching for the word of the Lord, but they will not find it." Amos 8:12

My primary bible is a NIV Life Application Study Bible.  At times I find myself reading all of the explanations and information in the footers at the end of each page.  At other times, I solely read the word of God and no explanations are necessary. 

As I have made my way through the old testament this year, I have gone back and forth.  But last week as I was reading Amos, I found myself reading the explanations.  About Amos 8:11-13, it says "The people had no appetite for God's word when prophets like Amos brought it.  Because of their apathy, God said he would take away even the opportunity to hear his word.  We have God's word, the Bible.  But many still look everywhere for answers to life's problems except in Scripture..."

As I read this, I realized, I do this.  I still look for answers from others, from books, from the Internet, often before I go to Scripture.  I have been doing this recently and found myself sinking toward a darkness that I cannot describe.  It is when I do not fix my eyes and heart on my heavenly Father, when I do not look to Him for guidance first that I begin to sink. 

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness..." Matthew 6:33

I know this, and yet so often I forget. 

Next time, I pray I will remember.

In His Grace...

In my weakness, God is strong

It has been a difficult week. 

I sometimes wonder as I struggle to find my own way in my walk with God, how can I possibly be an encouragement to others?  How can I lead anyone to God when I am struggling to follow him myself? 

But after our small group yesterday, after we got home and had dinner with our little man, after getting him off to bed, I was doing the dishes.  Does anyone else have epiphanies while doing dishes? 

Here is my epiphany:  In my struggle, God is sure.  In my brokenness, God is whole.  In my weakness, God is strong.  "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength" Philippians 4:13. I cannot lead anyone to Christ but I can sow the seeds.

He does not expect me to be perfect.  He does not expect me to have all the answers.  He does not expect me to know it all.  He only wants me to sow the seeds.  He wants me to share what I know of His love - His perfect, all-knowing love.  His unending, never-giving up love. 

I do know His love. 

It has changed me. 

In His Grace...

Trusting in God

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

I am not a writer.  By trade, I am a bookkeeper which is pretty different from being a writer.  When I first felt the nudge from God to start what I call my faith blog, I did what comes naturally...I argued with Him...for a couple of years.

How can I encourage others in something that I am still learning myself?  Why would God want to use me in an endeavor like this?  What it all came down to is in this verse.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart"...I had to trust Him.

"...lean not on your own understanding"...I couldn't lean on my logical thinking, I needed to lean on Him.

"...in all your ways acknowledge Him"...I needed to look to Him every day for the ability to do this.  By doing this, acknowledge in a public way that I am looking to Him in everything I do.

"...and he will make your paths straight"...I am not sure what is meant biblically by this, but for me it means that my relationship with God has grown in leaps and bounds since I started writing.  He opens my eyes, ears and heart to so much more of His wondrous love every day.  I have been so blessed just by taking the time to write my thoughts on the struggles, joys and encouragements of my faith walk.

Trust in Him...He loves you!

In His Grace...

God's Grace

I felt the prompting to start this blog but truly had no idea what use it might be.  I have yet to share it with friends and family (except my husband).  I still don't know where it might lead or if God has a bigger use for it and me.

Yet I have noticed changes in myself.  As I open my eyes, ears and heart to find things in my everyday life and relate them to what I know of scripture, God is blessing me! 

As I continue to write and ask Him daily for guidance, I notice that irritations bother me less. 

As I share my thoughts on God's work in my life, remaining calm at my job is not so difficult.  My perspective is changing.

As I continue to work to be thankful, my attitude changes for the better. 

As I continue to work to do what I think God is prompting me to do, I have noticed that if I am grumpy and lose my temper with my spouse, I can more easily ask his forgiveness.  I also find myself searching for the source of said grumpiness and look to give it to God.  To find His perspective on what is truly bothering me and rearrange my thinking to line up with His. 

God is changing me as I look to give Him glory.

All from this little blog.

In His Grace...

Growing in God

Every morning, my son gets out of bed.  He marches into the living room to play.

And every morning I must work to get him to help me make his bed.  It can't wait.  We can't just go play in the living room for a while before coming back in to make the bed.  We can't lounge on the sofa and read a couple of books first.  We can't make and eat breakfast while the bed remains unmade.

Why?

Because of our oldest cat Lucy.  She loves our little man's bed.  Once he is out of it, she is in it.  In the effort to do not more laundry but maybe just a little less, the bed must be made the instant he gets out. 

Part of me resents this.  Yes, I will make the bed that day.  But really?  Does it have to be right now?  Can't it wait a few minutes? 

The times I have waited a few minutes, the next thing I know, Lucy is snuggled down in the nice clean sheets.  And there I go doing more laundry.

I had a negative perspective on this whole process for a while.  But then, over time, I realized that it is just an opportunity to work on my inherent laziness and be more productive in my day. 

I have started thanking God for these types of things - little things that make me change my habits.  Things that give me a reason to better myself, be a better wife, be a better mom, be a better employee, be a better friend.

It will be a lifelong journey.

In His Grace...

God's Promises

My mood is a lot like the weather today - gloomy, overcast and gray. 

My husband has started his annual change in work schedule.  He works in wine production which means that for about 3 months of the year, I don't see him much.  It happens every year.  I know it's coming every year.  I try not to let it bother me every year. 

And every year I struggle.  Every year I find myself gloomy for a bit.

So today, I thought I would take a look at some of God's promises.  Like in Isaiah 41:10, he says "So do not fear, for I am with you;  do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you;  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (italics mine)

And in Jeremiah 29:11 he says "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (italics mine)

In Proverbs 3:5-6, he tell us to "Trust [in Him] with all your heart...and he will make your paths straight."  And in Philippians 4:6-7, he tells us "Do not be anxious about anything...present your requests to God.  And the peace of God...will guard your heart and mind..."

I need His peace.  I want his peace.  So I will try to put aside my feelings (feelings aren't very reliable anyway) and lean on His promises to me.

In His Grace...

God's Reputation

I am constantly challenged by the sermons at our church.  I love the pastoral staff and am so thankful that they are prayerfully seeking God and working to do His will every day.  This past Sunday, our pastor said something that resonated with me.  He said, "we are holding God's reputation in the palm of our hand." 

As a Christ follower, God has given me the gift of eternal life.  But He has also commissioned me to take His message to the World.  In so doing, I am His representative.  Here's an analogy:  If you eat at a restaurant and your server is having a bad day, her bad attitude reflects poorly on the eating establishment.  If you have a bad enough experience you may not go there again. 

If we reflect God's love poorly to those we encounter and they know we call ourselves Christ followers or Christians, they may not ever give God a chance. 

Wow!  Sobering, isn't it?

I don't want to be a person that leads people away from God.  I want to lead them to our loving God.  I pray that I will pause and think of this the next time I am about to say or do something that I know will reflect poorly on God. 

I pray that I can show God's love to others every day.

In His Grace...

Lack of Consideration

When we are self-absorbed, we simply cannot be considerate.  I think being considerate and being selfless go hand-in-hand.  The definition of considerate is solicitous: mindful of the needs, wishes, and feelings of others.   

We are commissioned by God to be considerate, to put others first,"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.  Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:10

Yet we are hard pressed to do this even with those we love, let alone neighbors, acquaintances, friends, strangers.  Our sinful flesh leads us in the opposite direction.  Wanting our own way.  Wanting to put ourselves first, our own needs first. 

A great example of this is something as simple as using your turn signal when driving.  How many times have you been behind another car that for no reason at all, starts slowing down, maybe comes to a complete stop?  There is no signal, no obvious sign that they are making a left turn.  Or maybe you are at a four way stop sign and the person opposite you does not have their turn signal on.  You assume you can go at the same time as them.  Except, they are turning left and when you drive into the intersection, they lay on the horn because somehow you should have been able to read their minds and know that they were planning on turning?

There are so many little things we can do every day to show consideration to others.  Yet we don't.  We don't take the time or make the effort, even if it takes hardly any effort at all, to do something that would benefit others instead of ourselves. 

I challenge you, just as I challenge myself, to take the time to do something, no matter how small, for someone else today.

In His Grace...

Perspective

We live in a valley.  There are two main thoroughfares that run north and south in the valley.  They are, for the most part, one lane in each direction.  There are a lot of tourists, especially in the fall.  Thus, on any given day, if you need to drive on one of the roads, you will most likely find yourself behind a tourist...driving 10-15 miles an hour below the speed limit.  Having lived here for close to nine years, I am used to it.  I expect it.  It may be irritating, but that is just how it goes.

This past week, as I was driving to a client's office, I was in a small line of traffic behind a leisurely tourist.  I was the second car in the line and there were several behind me, most notably a pickup truck directly behind me.  Whether or not I wanted to go faster, I could not, because there were two cars in front of me.  That did not stop this truck from getting very close to my rear bumper. 

At one point, I heard someone honking their horn.  It was just after we had passed a somewhat dangerous intersection so I figured the honking was happening at the intersection - maybe someone cut someone else off.  And it wasn't just a polite, little toot.  It was laying on the horn.

As we proceeded up the road, I heard the honking again...and I realized it was the truck behind me...honking at the person in front of me.  I was amazed.  We were averaging about 45 miles per hour which is about 10 miles per hour less than the speed limit.  But truly, at this time of the year, you cannot go anywhere in the valley without ending up behind someone on vacation and taking their time. 

As we came up to a stop sign, the road widened.  The pickup truck passed me on the right, pulled up next to the "slow" car, said something to them and continued on his way.  I could see the reaction of the driver of the car in front of me in their side mirror.  It was one of slight amusement and puzzlement.  They continued on their leisurely way.

I tell you this story to come to the point that it is important in our everyday lives to keep perspective on situations that may arise.  As Lysa Terkeurst said on an Unglued webcast, if driving slowly behind a tourist was the worst thing that happened to me that day, what a blessing.  By driving more slowly I could enjoy the beautiful creation around me.

To use an old cliche, I pray that we all take time to stop and smell the roses.  I challenge you that if something slows your day down, look at it as an opportunity to enjoy more of what God has for you each and every day. 

In His Grace...

No fear in love

I am not a very good passenger in a car.  I've been in three car accidents and I've always been the passenger.  This makes me a little nervous (maybe justifiably so) when I get in a car with someone, especially when I am unfamiliar with their driving habits.

I rode with someone new today.  We were discussing driving and she mentioned that she is also a nervous passenger.  But she hasn't experienced any trauma to cause her to be fearful of riding with someone.  She is just fearing the possibilities.  And fearing not being in control. 

After the third car accident, I was actually diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.  I literally could not ride with a driver that I didn't know.  I underwent bio-feedback therapy to help with the problem and it did help to a point.  But what truly helped, what truly enabled me to be able to be a passenger and release the fear, was my faith in God. 

As my faith grew, my fear shrunk.

As my understanding of God's amazing love grew, the fear dissipated. 

"There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear..." 1 John 4:18

God's perfect love has driven out the fear.  Now I'm not saying I don't ever get nervous in a car.  I was a bit nervous today as I got in the car.  But I am confident in God's love.  As I continue to grow in my relationship with Him, I know that He will continue to drive out the fear.

In His Grace...

Struggling to Forgive

I can know in my head what God expects from me, but I can still struggle to act, to obey Him.  God tells us to forgive even when the other person does not ask for it and He tells us what the result of unforgiveness is "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15

And yet, even knowing this (quite a drastic result), I am still struggling to forgive someone.  I actually wrote about it a few weeks ago.  I had what I call an altercation with this person and I am still struggling to fully hand it over to God.  How to forgive when the other person does not ask to be forgiven? How to forgive when the other person has no interest in even speaking with you? 

I want to forgive, I pray for the ability to forgive, I ask for God's forgiveness for my unforgiving heart, and I struggle.

Lord, help me with this...

In His Grace...

Just where He wants you

Ever ask the question "why am I here right now?"

I have been asking that lately about my job - volatile tempers, swearing, finger pointing, back-stabbing.  It's not an overly pleasant environment.  And yet, when I was offered the job, I prayed, and prayed and prayed about it.  I truly felt that God wanted me to take the job.  It's only been nine months but I often wonder, what did I do?  Why did God want me here?

For me it comes back to trust. 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

I don't know why He has me at this place at this time.  But I know that He has me there for a reason.  I trust that His plan is good for I know that "...in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28

Trust in Him.

In His Grace...

Still Small Voice of Truth

"And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.  And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah?" 1 Kings 19:11-13 KJV

Listen to the still small voice within yourself.  It must be telling you something that is true based on scripture.

Then you know it is the voice of God, the voice of truth. 

Don't second guess it or ignore it. 

Listen...and obey...

Lord, I pray that I can listen and obey the still small voice with which you guide me.  I pray that I will not let the busyness of life, the enemy or society lead me in the opposite direction but that I will hear your voice and follow it.

In His Grace...

Praying for Patience

It's interesting, isn't it?  At some point or another, if you are a praying person, you have probably prayed for patience.  Patience with children, with your spouse, with a job or a boss.  There are so many times that we need patience and it doesn't seem to be something that comes naturally. 

I was there a few years ago after our son was born.  He didn't like to sleep.  This required immense patience for me.  I didn't understand why he didn't like to sleep and I didn't understand why he didn't want to nap.  All babies nap, right? 

I mentioned something about praying for patience to my brother-in-law who has been following Christ much longer than I have.  He said something to the effect of you don't want to do that.  I of course asked why?  He said if you pray for something, God will continue to create instances in your life where you will need that characteristic.  In other words, praying for patience will just lead to more instances in my life where I need to have patience.  This is God's way of providing me the opportunity to build up my patience. 

I don't think I truly understood at the time.  I continued to pray for patience and I continued to need more patience to deal circumstances in my life.

But as I grow in my faith, and continue to read the Word daily (just finished Ezekiel as I work my way through the Bible cover to cover) I see what my brother-in-law meant.  When we pray for something like patience, the way God leads us to become more patient people is by making us practice.  We cannot improve a skill like patience without practicing.  So he provides us the opportunities to practice. 

I still need practice and periodically I still pray for His help with my patience.  I trust that He will provide what I need when I need it...if only I listen to Him.

In His Grace...

Relationships...

...are hard.  It seems it is harder because, it takes two to tango, as they say.  Which means that there is another person in the mix and we can't control their actions or reactions. 

I was talking to a friend yesterday and she said that she has recently realized that she is only responsible for her actions and reactions.  This rang so true to me.  I cannot control my husbands actions and reactions but I can control mine.  In our day to day life, if we have a conflict, sometimes I try to control his actions and reactions.  But this is impossible.  I can, however, be responsible for and control mine. 

Scripture says "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1  How true this is.  Often I think that my husband should be the one with the gentle answer.  He should be the one working on changing himself. 

But in reality, God is showing me it is the other way around.  As I observe couples that have been married for many years, I realize that they have conquered this art.  This art of biting your tongue, this art of rephrasing a criticism.  They have discovered how to give a gentle answer even when they would like to give a harsh word. 

All because they have God in the center.  They are focused on God in their marriages which means that they are working daily to show God's love to the other person.  And not just in their marriages but also in their families, in their friendships and long-term relationships. 

Lord, I need your help in this area.  I have spent my lifetime failing at it.  With your love, I pray I will succeed.

In His Grace...

Enough

Often in our society, we think we don't have enough.  Enough money, enough prestige, enough time, enough material items, enough friends...  We think if we had more...more money, time, things, friends, we'd be happier.  Life would somehow be better.

But God asks us not to always want more.  He asks us to be content in what we have, what He has given us. 

When I was saying grace before dinner tonight with my little man, I realized in my head and my heart, we have enough.  Because we have God's love.  That is all we need. 

That is enough. 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Trust in Him.

He loves you.

In His Grace...

Choosing to Love God

Because really we can either choose to love Him and try our best to do what He asks of us in His Word.  Or we can not.

If we choose to love Him, we are blessed by knowing His amazing love in return.  A good friend of mine said everyone has a God shaped hole inside and until we experience God's love, we keep trying to fill that hole with other things.  We try to fill it with money, material possessions, food, shopping, alcohol, drugs, sex, unhealthy choices, difficult habits to break.  But there is only one thing that will fill us, complete us.

God's love.

As it says in my son's Jesus Storybook Bible, "His never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love."

I had given my life to Christ a good seven years before I truly began to realize God's love for me.  It is almost unfathomable.  It is difficult to understand.  The God of the universe loves us.  The God of the universe loves me.  My mind says "how can that be?"

But Scripture tells me it is true. 

And so I choose to believe.

In His Grace...

Choosing to Love

"Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs....It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

The kind of love you have to choose is selfless love.  It is the kind that takes work.  It is the kind that keeps marriages together, friendships going after many years, relationships going within families.  It is difficult.  It is challenging.  It is the kind of love God speaks of in scripture when he tells us to "love your neighbor as yourself" Leviticus 19:18. 

It is not the easy kind of love that makes you feel giddy when you start falling for someone.  It is not the kind of love that makes a mother's heart swell when she looks at her child(ren).  It is not the love that we so often talk about in our daily lives - I love pizza, I love my dog, I love this song. 

This kind of love takes conscious effort.  It requires that sometimes we make the choice to do what the other person wants instead of what we want.  It requires that we put our husband/wife/child/neighbor before us on a regular basis.  It requires that sometimes we have to do something we just really don't want to do. 

My husband and I have been struggling with this kind of love.  Our relationship has been going through a difficult stage.  We've been blaming it on a lack of communication, but just yesterday afternoon, we both came to the conclusion that it actually is just selfishness.  We are both letting the selfishness that is so natural to our sinful natures come through.  And it has been eating away at the relationship we have spent the last 15 years building. 

Each of the things the verse in 1 Corinthians speaks of is the opposite of what my sinful nature wants to do.  When I am choosing not to love, I am not patient, I am not kind.  I do envy, I do boast and I am proud.  When I am choosing not to love, I am rude, I am self-seeking, I am easily angered and I do keep record of wrongs.  When I am choosing not to love I can hurt those I love, I don't always trust or hope or persevere. 

I must choose to love on a daily basis - my family, my friends, my neighbors.... 

The only way I am able to choose to love daily is through the love of Jesus Christ.  In my own strength I will fail every time. 

But with Jesus, I can succeed.

In His Grace...

Put God in the Center

My husband and I have joined a small group.  Five couples get together once a week to fellowship and study God's word.  The first study our group chose is taken from the movie Fireproof.  It is a marriage study and comes at a great time for us.

My husband and I have been struggling with how to stay close as a couple since the birth of our son.  Our previous communication patterns have been disrupted and instead of developing new ones, we were allowing the communication to fall by the wayside.  My temperament is such that when I am faced with a problem, I am always looking for information that may help me. 

The first of this information came from KLOVE.  It was from Lysa Terkeurst with Proverbs 31 Ministries.  She was speaking of her own marriage and the struggles she and her husband experienced early on in their marriage.  She mentioned that when they were trying to do marriage as two individuals, it didn't work very well.  But when they placed God at the center of their marriage, it turned their marriage around. 

I remember thinking, how do you put God at the center?

Then in our first meeting with our small group, the leader of the group mentioned that he and his wife have been married for 40+ years and they have enjoyed a God centered marriage.  This was the second time I heard this phrase mentioned and I was so excited. 

God was telling me what my husband and I needed to do and providing teachers that know how.  Thank you Lord!

In His Grace...

Gentle and quiet spirit

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.  Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4

My sister is beautiful.  I have always thought this and always looked up to her - my big sister.  I have admired her from the time I could walk.  My mother said I was always the "me too" girl.  If my sister was doing something, I wanted to also.  When we look at pictures from our childhood, our hair was always cut the same, our clothes were similar.  As we grew older people would ask if we were twins.  I took this as a compliment since it must have meant that I looked like her.

As we have grown older, she is still beautiful.  I still look up to her.  What I look up to now is not just her physical beauty, but the gentle and quiet spirit that I witness in her on a regular basis.  Even when her patience is being tested, she remains calm.  Even when someone loses their temper with her, she responds in a quiet, kind manner.  She is my example of this verse.  And this is what I strive for.

Unfortunately, I have a ways to go.  My temper flares.  I allow words out of my mouth before I have thought them through.  Each time, God is giving me another opportunity to make the gentle and quiet choice. 

Lord, help me succeed more often than fail.  Grant me a gentle and quiet spirit in the altercations of life.

In His Grace...

Resting

As our days are filled with more and more activities, and our minds are filled with ever increasing thoughts, something that seems to be more difficult to accomplish is truly resting.  God created the heavens and the earth and on the 7th day "...he rested from all his work" Genesis 2:2. 

This is something I struggle with.  I grew up in a family that owned their own business.  If you were sitting still, you were being lazy.  Even vacations with my dad were jam packed with activities.  When my sister and I hit our teenage years and our family went to Hawaii on vacation, the two of us wanted to lie on the beach.  My father just didn't understand.  Why would you just want to lie on the beach when you could be snorkeling, hiking, swimming, body surfing...? 

So on weekend days when we are home as a family, I feel that I should always be doing something - laundry, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning, cooking, gardening...of course it doesn't help that the list is endless. 

Even on vacation I have difficulty if there is a day without activities planned.  My husband jokes with me that it is an inherited trait from my father.

But obviously, my heavenly father had different ideas on the subject.  Lately I have begun to wonder what rest should look like on the 7th day.  Should I finish that load of laundry?  Should I cook my family a nice meal?  Is it alright to go for an afternoon to the zoo? 

As far as I know, there isn't anything with specifics in the Bible regarding this subject.  But I think that God's idea was that our bodies and minds need a day to rest and rejuvenate.  I don't think it means that we must stop all activity and do nothing all day.  I do think that it is good to keep our activities to a minimum one day each weekend, to focus on God and to enjoy our families.

What do you think?

In His Grace...

Altercation

I had an altercation with our neighbor again today.  This is nothing new.  It seems that this neighbor and I do not see eye to eye. 

After the altercation, I prayed about it to give it to God.  But instead I found myself going over and over it, again and again in my mind.  She said this and then I said that and then she said this.  And I think of things I would like to have said, but in my frustration and anger, in the shaking hands and the disappointment, I cannot think clearly or express what I am truly trying to express. 

So then I pray to try to give it to God.  And I succeed for a bit.  But then my mind returns to it, again and again. 

Give it to God again.

Take it back.

Give it to God again.

Take it back.

It is quite funny.  This came on the same afternoon that I had written the previous blog about worry.  I find this happens quite a bit.  I write a blog about something, then God tests me in that. 

So I must present to God my request, with thanksgiving, so that I might have His peace which transcends all understanding to guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.

Lord, grant me the ability to do just that.  And please, please help me extend your grace to my neighbor.

In His Grace...

Worry

Do you ever worry?  I do.  I have struggled with this for a long time. 

It seems as I meet more women in the Christian world, it is something that is common for many of us.  In this busy day and age, we seem to be struggling with some things more than others.  And as we get older and have families of our own, that brings another dimension to the possibilities to worry about. 

Early on in my life with Christ, someone mentioned this verse:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6-7

It has carried me through many stressful situations.  It has helped me immeasurably when I am struggling with the tendency to worry.  If I find myself worrying, I recite this verse.  Then I follow the instructions held within.  I must remember to be thankful (a common thread throughout my life and my blogs) and prayerful regarding whatever is causing me to worry. 

When I first memorized this verse, I only memorized verse 6.  But then one day re-reading it in my bible, I noticed that verse 7 was equally important.  If I choose to fulfill the instructions in verse 6, then look what I get in verse 7 "...the peace of God, which transcends all understanding...".  His peace will be guarding my heart and mind.  What a wonderful truth that I can find rest in! 

I hope it will help you rest in God's peace as well.

In His Grace...

Do Over

Do you ever wish you could have a do over?

I do.

I needed one this morning at 6:45am.  A company that had been contracted with our local electricity provider arrived in our neighborhood and started hammering on the utility poles.  At 6:45 in the morning!  They woke up our little man.  They woke up my husband.  They interrupted my quiet time.

I reacted.

I went outside and told the fellows that there is a noise ordinance in our city that says they can't do that until later in the morning.  I argued with one of them.  They said their contract said they can start at 6am and they were just doing their jobs.  I took my frustration out on them when I shouldn't have.  I did not behave like a woman filled with grace.

There is an upside however.  As I was driving to work, just a few blocks from our home, I saw the same fellows.  God gave me the opportunity to stop and apologize for my behavior earlier.  I did.

I am thankful they were kind and gracious.

I pray that I can do a better job next time, because I know there will be a next time.

In His Grace...

Hiatus

Hello to all those that are reading my blog. 

The Olympics are on - which in my house means that the one computer is being occupied by watching the Olympics.  I have no time with which to blog so I will be taking a short vacation.

When the Olympics are done, I will resume blogging.

Thanks for reading.

In His Grace...

Waiting on the Lord

Do you ever feel like somehow, you are not hearing from the Lord?

I have been in that place lately.  Asking questions, looking for answers through prayer and in Scripture and not finding them.

But I know that scripture tells me that He is always with me.  "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20  This means that even when I do not feel Him or hear Him, I can still trust in the fact that He is with me.  And if I trust in Him, then I will make good choices and follow His path "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:4-7


As for seeing Him, I can always see evidence of Him just by looking around in this amazing place I live, the Napa Valley.  The mountains, the vineyards, the trees, birds, insects, animals - everything points to the evidence of His presence in this world.  I am thankful for this.


In His Grace...

Sharing the good news

Does anyone else listen to KLOVE?  I love KLOVE.  I am not affiliated with KLOVE in any way, but I love the message it provides, the uplifting songs that somehow seem to come just when you need them. 
On my way to work this morning, as usual, I was listening to KLOVE.  There was a little blurb (I call it a blurb because it's not really an advertisement but it isn't music) by Luis Palau.  He was speaking about sharing the Good News of Jesus Christ.  He said people often don't share their faith in Christ because they don't want others to feel like they are forcing religion on them.  But, he pointed out, if we see a good movie, read a good book, really like a song, we tell our friends all about it.  If we own the book, we may even give a copy away.  We want our friends to experience what we have and we hope they will enjoy it like we have. 

His point was that we don't do this with the Good News of Jesus Christ. 

I immediately thought of a book that I have told many people about.  I did even give a couple of copies away.  And yet, I am reluctant to share the Good News of Jesus.  Even though His love has changed my life in radical ways.  Even though I am a new person in Christ.

I was challenged by this and I will be challenging myself to remember this as opportunities arise in which I might share Jesus's love.

How about you?

In His Grace...

Raising Children

Raising children is hard.

Scripture tells us children are a gift from God.  Jesus said "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14  Yet, so often it seems we do not take the responsibility of teaching and disciplining our children very seriously.
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6  I pray about this regularly.  I pray that God will guide me as we teach our little man His ways.  I thank God for the opportunity to be a parent.

In my little man's bedroom this evening, after he had fallen asleep, I just gazed at him.  My little man has taught me so much in these almost four years.  And God has used him to teach me so much about God and my relationship with my heavenly Father.  I lifted up a prayer to my heavenly Father, just thanking him for this gift. 

I think we get so overwhelmed and distracted by the difficulties of raising children in this day and age, that we lose sight of what a gift they are.  Yes, they can be difficult.  Yes, they can be challenging (some more than others).  Yes, sometimes they make us want to pull our hair out.  But in the end, let's remember that "the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these" Matthew 19:14. 
I pray that I will open my eyes, ears and heart to how my son relates to his heavenly Father and that I will be able to do the same.  I pray that I will instill respect in my son.  I pray that with God's help, I will teach him to make Godly decisions.  And I pray that he will become a boy, teenager, young man, mature man after God's own heart.
In His Grace...

Selfish

As we were driving to meet with a possible new small group, my husband and I were talking - what night would be the ideal night, would we want to be able to bring our son, do we really want to participate. 

We had been in a small group before but it has been several years.  We want the opportunity to fellowship with other believers, to have a support group of friends and to grow in our faith with bible studies and spiritual growth studies.  But what we are struggling with is the time commitment.  Meeting once a week, fitting it into an already busy schedule, spending the time away from our son.  We have been reluctant to commit. 

But then a small voice says to me "It's a small commitment in light of what Jesus did for you." 

He was badly beaten, He was crucified, He was separated from His heavenly father and He died.

He died for me.

He bore the weight of my sins.

So that I can spend eternity with my heavenly Father.

Why am I reluctant to give a few hours a week to grow in my faith?  Why do I resent the time commitment to become closer to my heavenly Father? 

Simple.

Selfishness - we are born into a fallen world where having it my way is the preferred way.  It is a difficult thing to overcome.

I pray that through His grace, I can overcome.  My first step is to change my attitude about the small group.

It was a good first meeting - We are excited to participate and see what treasures God has in store for us!

In His Grace...

Difficult decision

I have been at my current job for a little over 7 months.  Making the decision to leave my previous position was an agonizing one.  I kept looking to God, but for whatever reason I did not feel that I could hear or see an answer.  I finally made the decision to move to the new job.  I thought it would be a good learning opportunity.

For the last several years, I have been in finance.  I was working at a winery in the finance department doing accounts payable and interstate shipping compliance (there are a lot of laws regarding shipping wine between states).  After maternity leave, I was only looking for part-time work and the winery did not have anything for me.  I quickly found a part-time bookkeeping job for a different winery.  I was doing accounts payable, payroll, general office work and some compliance.  I was hoping that I would have the opportunity to learn more about accounting while I was there, but the company was growing and it was all the controller and I could do to keep up. 

I was no longer learning anything there so when this new opportunity came up, it seemed it might be a good thing.  While they were offering less money, I thought that the learning opportunities would be worth it. My ultimate goal was to learn enough that I could then go out on my own and have a few clients that I could keep books for from my own home office. 

It has not turned out as I hoped.  The training has been lacking, my learning has been slow.  Additionally, when I was hired, there was no mention of a non-compete agreement that must be signed.  However, they are now asking me to sign a contract, agreeing that I will not be involved in a business that would directly compete with theirs for two years after I leave their employment.

Again, I am praying, seeking God's will.  Again, I am lost as to what to do.

Life is full of difficult decisions.  I am fairly new at leaning on God and trying to discern His will in my life.  I struggle with it and often feel like I am making the decisions without any help.  But He says in scripture "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10 (emphasis mine).

I pray that I will continue to remember that He is with me always, right beside me, walking through the difficult decisions alongside me. 

I can be confident that as long as I am seeking Him, the decision will be a good one. 

In His Grace...

Living like there's no tomorrow

Do you live this way?

Does anyone live this way?

I know I don't.  I take it for granted that there will be many more days.  I'm fairly young, I'm in pretty good shape, I eat healthy (for the most part), I take care of myself, I drive carefully.  There should be many more days to love, to live, to share God's love with others...

But in reality, none of us know when our time will come.  It may be in 30-40-50 years, or it could be tomorrow, or it could be in an hour.  Yet we live like we have all the time in the world.

Yes, odds are that if you are young, take care of yourself, eat well and exercise, you probably have many more years to go.  But we just don't know. 

God knows.  He knows when He will call each of us home.

I pray that I will start living like there is no tomorrow, boldly sharing God's love especially with those I love that do not know Him.

Life is so fragile.

Let's not take it for granted.

In His Grace...

Losing

Why is forgiveness so hard?

This subject has been on my mind since we visited my family last weekend.  I wrote about one family member that I think is far from God.  I think the root of the problem is unforgiveness - for others, for God and maybe even for herself. 

Jesus tells us to forgive each other "...not seven times, but seventy-seven times." Matthew 18:22  I don't think he means that we are to forgive exactly seventy-seven times, no more and no less.  I think, rather, that he is telling us to forgive each other over and over and over again. 

I think one of the reasons it is so hard is that it feels like we are losing.  We are losing the argument, we are losing the fight, we are losing the point we were trying to make...we feel like we are losing when we forgive.  But really, are we losing?

When we forgive, don't we win by obeying God?  Don't we win by releasing anger and hurt?  God sacrificed his only son so that we might know His forgiveness.  And the only one that lost was Satan. 

When we hold onto our anger, our hurt, our unforgiveness, the only one that wins is Satan and we do lose - we lose the closeness to God that comes with obedience and forgiveness. 

I pray that as I practice forgiveness, it will become easier and easier. 

After all, practice makes perfect, right?

In His Grace...

Reminder

"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

Today as I was visiting with a lovely friend, I was reminded of this verse.  I have known this verse for quite some time, however, I find that over time, it slips from my mind.  I begin trying to control my life and find myself fearful when things do not go as I plan. 

In so many instances, I can ruminate about a situation in my mind but it takes actually talking about it with a Godly friend to really get an accurate picture of how I am trying to control that situation.  I could not see what I was doing until I talked about it with my friend. 

It wasn't anything she actually said, it was a voice inside myself as I was telling her our situation that said "stop being fearful, remember, God does not give us a spirit of fear...".  Peace filled me at that time.  It was a beautiful reminder that God is in control and that I can trust Him with everything - everything - in my life.  He has a plan and as long as I work at looking to Him, I can be assured that all will be well.

I pray that I can continue to keep this verse at the front of my mind and do a better job of trusting God with everything.

In His Grace...

Free Will

We visited my family over the weekend and I am sorry to say that someone that is near and dear to my heart is far from God.  She mentioned something over the weekend and oh, how I wish I was better at responding.  Sometimes it takes me so off-guard, I can come up with nothing.  In this instance she was talking about her neighbor. 

She has a new neighbor.  But before you envision a house 10-20 feet from her own, you should know that she lives on 80 acres.  This new neighbor is interested in hunting wild turkeys on her property.  She does allow one person to hunt turkeys on her property when it is turkey hunting season but she didn't want to have others hunting as well.  So she told the neighbor no. 

Unfortunately, this is a neighbor that has mentioned to her that he reads his bible every morning before he heads off on his long commute to work.  His actions after being told that he couldn't hunt on her property were not very biblical.  He watched for the person that does have permission to arrive, then he stood as close to her property line as he could and started up his chain saw and his weed whacker.  That may sound perfectly reasonable except for the fact that it was still completely dark outside at this time in the morning.  He was trying to prevent the person with permission from having any luck hunting by scaring all the turkeys away. 

Because of his actions and because he had mentioned to her that he reads his bible, she takes this as another strike against Christianity.  This is where the difficulty lies.  She is holding her neighbor to an impossible standard because he is a Christian.  She feels he shouldn't act improperly, he should always be able to maintain an even temper, he should be able to act like Jesus because he is a Christian. 

Nowhere in the bible does it say that once we ask Christ into our lives, we will be perfect.  We are human.  God gave us free will, the freedom to choose.  And often times we still choose the wrong thing, even with a relationship with Christ. 

What I pray I can relate to her at some point is that being a Christian does not mean being perfect.  It means that we need to try to have a right relationship with God.  It means working at our own relationship with Jesus Christ.  And it means not judging others when they get it wrong. 

We should not be concerned with how others are following God's law.  We should be concerned with how we are doing ourselves.  Often times that means we must confess our own sin to God, repent of it and ask His forgiveness.  It also means we must forgive others when they sin against us, whether they ask for our forgiveness or not.

In His Grace...

Love them

While running errands this morning, my little man and I had stopped at a stop sign.  It was a four way stop with four lanes of traffic running east-west and two lanes running north-south.  We came to a stop at just about the same time as a car perpendicular to us.  Just after we came to a stop, another car stopped right next to us.  It was obvious to me that he stopped after the other car at the intersection.  But in a move typical of today's self-loving society, the car that stopped at the stop sign last seemed to think that it was his turn to go first.  I observed this as he pulled forward and the other car pulled forward at the same time.  The last car ended up going first and I applaud the other driver that gave over her right of way. 

"So the last will be first, and the first will be last." Matthew 20:16

It reminded me that as we (Christ followers) head out into society every day, we must continually fight our fleshly desires to be first, to put ourselves first, to take the right of way.  We must continually hand that desire over to God.  Then in true Jesus fashion, we must love the other driver by letting them go first.  Love your spouse by letting them be right (even if they aren't).  Love a stranger at the grocery store by letting them have the last one (even if you really wanted it, whatever it may be).  We are called to "...Love your neighbor as yourself" Leviticus 19:18 which means going against what is the norm in our self-loving, selfish society.

It is a constant struggle, it is challenging.

I challenge myself to it every day...sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail.  But those times that I succeed, I bring glory to God.  And I thank Him for loving me.

I challenge you to it as well.

In His Grace....

"I'm sorry for the things I do that you don't like"

We recently traveled up to Vancouver, Washington to visit some friends of ours.  They have known me since I was about 14 years old (I'm considerably older than that now).  They are wonderful people - kind, loving, generous, friendly, joyful.  I have always loved spending time with them. 

In recent years, we have not been able to spend much time with them.  His work kept him from traveling to places they didn't want him to go and she always traveled with him.  In our previous jobs, we were able to see them about twice a year.  When we left those jobs in 2006 and bought a home, we stopped traveling as much. Then with the birth of our son, we didn't try long trips at all for quite some time.

But in our recent trip, one day he seemed tense.  At one point during the day, she mentioned to me that sometimes he becomes tense if things weren't going the way he had thought they would.  I can relate. 

I have struggled with that for quite some time.  If I had planned things (or even if I expected things to go a certain way without really planning) and it didn't go how I wanted, I would get bent out of shape.  I suppose I am still that way to some degree. 

But when she had the opportunity to be alone with him, she said to him, "I'm sorry for the things I do that you don't like".  What an example of humility.  She didn't even really know what she had done but she apologized for it anyway. 

I want to be like that.  I struggle to be like that because it does not come naturally to me.  I struggle with pride, wanting to be right even when it goes against what I know of God and His word "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."  Proverbs 16:18 

Thud!  That would be me, pridefully falling because I can't humble myself. 

My prayer is that the next time I am in a similar situation, I will think of her example and be the first to apologize or forgive.  She told me later, he got tears in his eyes and said the same thing back to her. When my family and I arrived at the car, the tension had vanished.

What a beautiful gift she gave to him....and to all of us by example.

In His Grace...

Grumpy

Last night was not a good night.  My little man went to bed with no problem at 7:30pm.  He slept for two and a half hours without any hitches.  Then at 10pm as I was getting ready to go to bed, he cried out.  I went in and sat with him for a couple of minutes and turned on his ladybug nightlight.  No worries.

But then at 12:30am it happened again.  And again at 1:40....and at 2:30.  Now I'd like to say that I calmly helped him back to sleep each time and went back to sleep without any problems.  However, I would be lying.

Each time, I could feel the anger building inside a little more.  The frustration, the irritation, the anger at having my own sleep interrupted yet again.  After returning to my bed, I was stewing.  What was the problem?  Why did he keep waking up?  What was wrong?  I didn't have the answers and because I kept thinking about it, I wasn't sleeping either.

So it was a night with little sleep.  Which led to a grumpy morning.  Not just for him, but for me too. 

Have you ever had one of those mornings where every little thing sets you off?  You just don't seem to be able to make a smile on your face and it is all you can do not to yell at someone?

That was my morning.

Until I was walking with a friend.  My little man and one of her little men went running ahead.  Running ahead out of our view.  When we came around the corner, we could see her little man but not mine.    We were walking along the river...where was he?  All you mothers out there probably know the feeling of panic that started rising in my heart.  Her little man couldn't seem to tell us where mine had gone. 

I went ahead on the trail... and there he was.  Just looking at the ducks ahead.  But oh what a reminder.  How precious he is to me.  What a gift from God.

And then I realized what had gone wrong with my morning - I had not been practicing my thankfulness.  I had not been focusing my attention on all the blessings and good things God has given me and continues to give me.  I had just been focusing on everything that was going wrong.  I was practicing selfishness instead of selflessness. 

I pray that I will continue to remember to practice my thankfulness, even when I am challenged by a non-sleeping son.

In His Grace...

Comfort and security

We had a fabulous trip to the Redwoods...all of us except our dog.

What kind of dog doesn't like going camping? 

A Shiba Inu. 

That is what we have.  He's very cute.  He's a lot of fun.  He's very different than any dog I've ever had.

He usually likes going wherever we go.  He's even happy to come on a shopping trip and sit in the car.  However, being expected to sleep in a tent and spend his time outdoors where there was no lawn (and sometimes no sun) appeared to be too much to expect.  He let us know on the first night that tent sleeping was not for him.  He got up twice to go out and on the second excursion out of the tent, he dragged me to the car.  I opened the door for him and he hopped inside and promptly curled into a ball in the seat.  That is where I left him.  (Keep in mind I had also been up three other times with our little man and two times with him so I wasn't in a patient state of mind.)  But the car is where he chose to sleep every night during our camping excursion.  I think for him it was about comfort and security.

The comfort of sleeping in the vehicle so no one could leave without him.  The security of more than nylon between him and the unknown. 

I find my comfort and security in my relationship with Jesus Christ.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I am so grateful to have this relationship that does bring me comfort.  I pray that I can bring comfort to others because I have received it from God.

And the next time we go camping we will leave our dog in comfort at my sister's, so he can continue to sleep in the house :-)

In His Grace...